Down the Rabbit-Hole CHAPTER II A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale CHAPTER IV The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill CHAPTER V Advice from a Caterpillar CHAPTER VI The Queen’s Croquet-Ground CHAPTER IX The Mock Turtle’s Story CHAPTER X The Lobster Quadrille CHAPTER XI There was nothing so _very_ remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so _very_ much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, “Oh dear In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again “Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs How brave they’ll all think me at home Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!” (Which was very likely true.) Down, down, down Would the fall _never_ come to an end “I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time?” she said aloud “I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth “I wonder if I shall fall right _through_ the earth How funny it’ll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward Please, Ma’am, is this New Zealand or Australia?” (and she tried to curtsey as she spoke—fancy _curtseying_ as you’re falling through the air Do you think you could manage it?) “And what an ignorant little girl she’ll think me for asking No, it’ll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.” Down, down, down There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again “Dinah’ll miss me very much to-night, I should think!” (Dinah was the cat.) “I hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time I wish you were down here with me There are no mice in the air, I’m afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that’s very like a mouse, you know But do cats eat bats, I wonder?” And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, “Do cats eat bats down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but the wise little Alice was not going to do _that_ in a hurry After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice “But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “to pretend to be two people So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CHAPTER II Good-bye, feet!” (for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far off) “Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.” And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it “They must go by the carrier,” she thought; “and how funny it’ll seem, sending presents to one’s own feet And how odd the directions will look _Alice’s Right Foot, Esq., Hearthrug, near the Fender,_ (_with Alice’s love_) “You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said Alice, “a great girl like you,” (she might well say this), “to go on crying in this way After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: “Dear, dear And yesterday things went on just as usual I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning I almost think I can remember feeling a little different But if I’m not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I Besides, _she’s_ she, and _I’m_ I, and—oh dear, how puzzling it all is I’ll try if I know all the things I used to know Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is—oh dear I shall never get to twenty at that rate However, the Multiplication Table doesn’t signify: let’s try Geography London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome—no, _that’s_ all wrong, I’m certain I must have been changed for Mabel No, I’ve made up my mind about it; if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here It’ll be no use their putting their heads down and saying ‘Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up and say ‘Who am I then “How _can_ I have done that?” she thought And I declare it’s too bad, that it is!” As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash she was up to her chin in salt water Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, “and in that case I can go back by railway,” she said to herself “I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears That _will_ be a queer thing, to be sure “Would it be of any use, now,” thought Alice, “to speak to this mouse The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright “Oh, I beg your pardon!” cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal’s feelings “I quite forgot you didn’t like cats.” “Not like cats!” cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice “Would _you_ like cats if you were me?” “Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a soothing tone: “don’t be angry about it And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you’d take a fancy to cats if you could only see her “We won’t talk about her any more if you’d rather not.” “We indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his tail “As if _I_ would talk on such a subject Our family always _hated_ cats: nasty, low, vulgar things Don’t let me hear the name again!” “I won’t indeed!” said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown hair So she called softly after it, “Mouse dear Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the shore At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, “Sit down, all of you, and listen to me _I’ll_ soon make you dry enough!” They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon “Ahem!” said the Mouse with an important air, “are you all ready This is the driest thing I know Silence all round, if you please Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria—’” “Ugh!” said the Lory, with a shiver “I beg your pardon!” said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: “Did you speak?” “Not I!” said the Lory hastily “I thought you did,” said the Mouse William’s conduct at first was moderate But the insolence of his Normans—’ How are you getting on now, my dear?” it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke At last the Dodo said, “_Everybody_ has won, and all must have prizes.” “But who is to give the prizes?” quite a chorus of voices asked There was exactly one a-piece, all round “But she must have a prize herself, you know,” said the Mouse “Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely “What else have you got in your pocket?” he went on, turning to Alice “Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly “Hand it over here,” said the Dodo However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more “Mine is a long and a sad tale!” said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing “A knot!” said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anxiously about her “Oh, do let me help to undo it!” “I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the Mouse, getting up and walking away “You insult me by talking such nonsense!” “I didn’t mean it!” pleaded poor Alice “But you’re so easily offended, you know!” The Mouse only growled in reply Let this be a lesson to you never to lose _your_ temper!” “Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the young Crab, a little snappishly “You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!” “I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!” said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular “She’d soon fetch it back!” “And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?” said the Lory Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet: “Dinah’s our cat And she’s such a capital one for catching mice you can’t think And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds Why, she’ll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!” This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party It’s high time you were all in bed!” On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone “I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!” she said to herself in a melancholy tone “Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the world I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!” And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited She’ll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and called out to her in an angry tone, “Why, Mary Ann, what _are_ you doing out here Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan “He took me for his housemaid,” she said to herself as she ran “How surprised he’ll be when he finds out who I am “How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, “to be going messages for a rabbit I suppose Dinah’ll be sending me on messages next!” And she began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: “‘Miss Alice Come here directly, and get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute, nurse There was no label this time with the words “DRINK ME,” but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips “I know _something_ interesting is sure to happen,” she said to herself, “whenever I eat or drink anything; so I’ll just see what this bottle does “It was much pleasanter at home,” thought poor Alice, “when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole—and yet—and yet—it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life I do wonder what _can_ have happened to me When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought That’ll be a comfort, one way—never to be an old woman—but then—always to have lessons to learn Oh, I shouldn’t like _that!_” “Oh, you foolish Alice!” she answered herself “How can you learn lessons in here “Fetch me my gloves this moment!” Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs Next came an angry voice—the Rabbit’s—“Pat Where are you?” And then a voice she had never heard before, “Sure then I’m here Digging for apples, yer honour!” “Digging for apples, indeed!” said the Rabbit angrily This time there were _two_ little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass “What a number of cucumber-frames there must be!” thought Alice fetch it here, lad!—Here, put ’em up at this corner—No, tie ’em together first—they don’t reach half high enough yet—Oh they’ll do well enough; don’t be particular—Here, Bill catch hold of this rope—Will the roof bear?—Mind that loose slate—Oh, it’s coming down Heads below!” (a loud crash)—“Now, who did that?—It was Bill, I fancy—Who’s to go down the chimney?—Nay, _I_ shan’t _You_ do it!—_That_ I won’t, then!—Bill’s to go down—Here, Bill the master says you’re to go down the chimney!” “Oh So Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has he?” said Alice to herself “Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill “I’ll put a stop to this,” she said to herself, and shouted out, “You’d better not do that again!” which produced another dead silence Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her head The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her I’d nearly forgotten that I’ve got to grow up again Let me see—how _is_ it to be managed I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great question is, what?” The great question certainly was, what “Who are _you?_” said the Caterpillar This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation “Explain yourself!” “I can’t explain _myself_, I’m afraid, sir,” said Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.” “I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar “Who are _you?_” Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation “Come back!” the Caterpillar called after her “I’ve something important to say!” This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again “Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar “Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing “Well, I’ve tried to say “How doth the little busy bee,” but it all came different!” Alice replied in a very melancholy voice “Repeat, ‘_You are old, Father William_,’” said the Caterpillar Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!” “That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar The Caterpillar was the first to speak “What size do you want to be?” it asked Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper “Are you content now?” said the Caterpillar “But I’m not used to it!” pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself “Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand “What _can_ all that green stuff be?” said Alice “And where _have_ my shoulders got to “I’m _not_ a serpent!” said Alice indignantly “I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried banks, and I’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; “but those serpents There’s no pleasing them!” Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished “As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs,” said the Pigeon; “but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day Why, I haven’t had a wink of sleep these three weeks!” “I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” said Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning Ugh, Serpent!” “But I’m _not_ a serpent, I tell you!” said Alice _What_ are you?” said the Pigeon “A likely story indeed!” said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt “I’ve seen a good many little girls in my time, but never _one_ with such a neck as that You’re a serpent; and there’s no use denying it “Come, there’s half my plan done now How puzzling all these changes are I’m never sure what I’m going to be, from one minute to another She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a little way out of the wood to listen An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.” Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked “There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the Footman, “and that for two reasons “But perhaps he can’t help it,” she said to herself; “his eyes are so _very_ nearly at the top of his head But at any rate he might answer questions.—How am I to get in?” she repeated, aloud “—or next day, maybe,” the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened “How am I to get in?” asked Alice again, in a louder tone “_Are_ you to get in at all?” said the Footman “That’s the first question, you know.” It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so “It’s really dreadful,” she muttered to herself, “the way all the creatures argue It’s enough to drive one crazy!” The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his remark, with variations “I shall sit here,” he said, “on and off, for days and days.” “But what am _I_ to do?” said Alice “Anything you like,” said the Footman, and began whistling “Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said Alice desperately: “he’s perfectly idiotic!” And she opened the door and went in “There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing There was certainly too much of it in the air Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment’s pause The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear “Oh, _please_ mind what you’re doing!” cried Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror “Oh, there goes his _precious_ nose!” as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off “Just think of what work it would make with the day and night (In which the cook and the baby joined): “Wow you may nurse it a bit, if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke “I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her “But perhaps it was only sobbing,” she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears “If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you Mind now!” The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for some while in silence So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice It looked good-natured, she thought: still it had _very_ long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect “Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider “Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought Alice, and she went on “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat “I don’t much care where—” said Alice “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat “—so long as I get _somewhere_,” Alice added as an explanation “Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.” Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question Visit either you like: they’re both mad.” “But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice You grant that?” “I suppose so,” said Alice “Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased Now _I_ growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry Therefore I’m mad.” “_I_ call it purring, not growling,” said Alice “Call it what you like,” said the Cat Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again “By-the-bye, what became of the baby?” said the Cat “I’d nearly forgotten to ask.” “It turned into a pig,” Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in a natural way “I thought it would,” said the Cat, and vanished again “Did you say pig, or fig?” said the Cat I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat I almost wish I’d gone to see the Hatter instead!” CHAPTER VII No room!” they cried out when they saw Alice coming “There’s _plenty_ of room!” said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table “Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an encouraging tone Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea “I don’t see any wine,” she remarked “There isn’t any,” said the March Hare “Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” said Alice angrily “It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited,” said the March Hare “I didn’t know it was _your_ table,” said Alice; “it’s laid for a great many more than three.” “Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech “I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles.—I believe I can guess that,” she added aloud “Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?” said the March Hare “Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on “I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least—at least I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.” “Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter The Hatter was the first to break the silence Alice considered a little, and then said “The fourth.” “Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter “I told you butter wouldn’t suit the works!” he added looking angrily at the March Hare “It was the _best_ butter,” the March Hare meekly replied “What a funny watch!” she remarked “It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!” “Why should it?” muttered the Hatter Alice felt dreadfully puzzled, The Hatter’s remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English “I don’t quite understand you,” she said, as politely as she could “The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose “No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “what’s the answer?” “I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter It’s _him_.” “I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice “Of course you don’t!” the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously “I dare say you never even spoke to Time!” “Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied: “but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.” “Ah that accounts for it,” said the Hatter Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock The Hatter shook his head mournfully How I wonder what you’re at!’ You know the song, perhaps?” “I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice “It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, “in this way:— ‘Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky “Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time Off with his head!’” “How dreadfully savage!” exclaimed Alice “And ever since that,” the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, “he won’t do a thing I ask It’s always six o’clock now.” A bright idea came into Alice’s head “Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?” she asked “Exactly so,” said the Hatter: “as the things get used up.” “But what happens when you come to the beginning again?” Alice ventured to ask “Suppose we change the subject,” the March Hare interrupted, yawning I vote the young lady tells us a story.” “I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal “Then the Dormouse shall!” they both cried “Wake up, Dormouse!” And they pinched it on both sides at once The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes “I wasn’t asleep,” he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: “I heard every word you fellows were saying.” “Tell us a story!” said the March Hare “Yes, please do!” pleaded Alice “They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two “Who’s making personal remarks now?” the Hatter asked triumphantly I dare say there may be _one_.” “One, indeed!” said the Dormouse indignantly “And so these three little sisters—they were learning to draw, you know—” “What did they draw?” said Alice, quite forgetting her promise “Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously: “But I don’t understand “At any rate I’ll never go _there_ again!” said Alice as she picked her way through the wood “That’s very curious!” she thought “But everything’s curious today I think I may as well go in at once.” And in she went Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table “Now, I’ll manage better this time,” she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden Always lay the blame on others!” “_You’d_ better not talk!” said Five “I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!” “What for?” said the one who had spoken first “That’s none of _your_ business, Two!” said Seven “Would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?” Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two The Queen!” and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen “How should _I_ know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage Off—” “Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent “Leave off that!” screamed the Queen “You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others “Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen “Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” the soldiers shouted in reply “That’s right!” shouted the Queen “Can you play croquet?” The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her “Come on, then!” roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next “It’s—it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice at her side She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face “Very,” said Alice: “—where’s the Duchess?” “Hush Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone “Did you say ‘What a pity!’?” the Rabbit asked “No, I didn’t,” said Alice: “I don’t think it’s at all a pity I said ‘What for?’” “She boxed the Queen’s ears—” the Rabbit began Alice gave a little scream of laughter “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared “Who _are_ you talking to?” said the King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity “Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “and don’t look at me like that!” He got behind Alice as he spoke “A cat may look at a king,” said Alice I wish you would have this cat removed!” The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small “Off with his head!” she said, without even looking round “I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King eagerly, and he hurried off Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going on, as she heard the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming with passion So she went in search of her hedgehog The King’s argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk nonsense The Queen’s argument was, that if something wasn’t done about it in less than no time she’d have everybody executed, all round “When _I’m_ a Duchess,” she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though), “I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen _at all_ “You’re thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk I can’t tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.” “Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to remark “Tut, tut, child!” said the Duchess “Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s side as she spoke However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could “The game’s going on rather better now,” she said, by way of keeping up the conversation a little Shall I try the experiment?” “He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried “Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and mustard both bite And the moral of that is—‘Birds of a feather flock together.’” “Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked “Right, as usual,” said the Duchess: “what a clear way you have of putting things!” “It’s a mineral, I _think_,” said Alice “Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said; “there’s a large mustard-mine near here “Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,” said Alice “Oh, don’t talk about trouble!” said the Duchess “I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.” “A cheap sort of present!” thought Alice “I’m glad they don’t give birthday presents like that!” But she did not venture to say it out loud “Thinking again?” the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin “I’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm “A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in a low, weak voice Take your choice!” The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, “Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?” “No,” said Alice “I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.” “It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,” said the Queen “I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered;” and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled “What fun!” said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice “What _is_ the fun?” said Alice “It’s all her fancy, that: they never executes nobody, you know Come on!” So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see how he can _ever_ finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But she waited patiently “When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, “we went to school in the sea The master was an old Turtle—we used to call him Tortoise—” “Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?” Alice asked At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, “Drive on, old fellow “You did,” said the Mock Turtle “Hold your tongue!” added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again “Yes,” said Alice, “we learned French and music.” “And washing?” said the Mock Turtle “Certainly not!” said Alice indignantly then yours wasn’t a really good school,” said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief “I only took the regular course.” “What was that?” inquired Alice “What is it?” The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise Never heard of uglifying!” it exclaimed “Well, I can’t show it you myself,” the Mock Turtle said: “I’m too stiff And the Gryphon never learnt it.” “Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon: “I went to the Classics master, though “And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject “Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so on.” “What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice “Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?” “Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle “And how did you manage on the twelfth?” Alice went on eagerly “That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone: “tell her something about the games now.” CHAPTER X The Lobster Quadrille The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice “Same as if he had a bone in his throat,” said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the back “What sort of a dance is it?” “Why,” said the Gryphon, “you first form into a line along the sea-shore—” “Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle “—you advance twice—” “Each with a lobster as a partner!” cried the Gryphon “Of course,” the Mock Turtle said: “advance twice, set to partners—” “—change lobsters, and retire in same order,” continued the Gryphon “Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, “you throw the—” “The lobsters!” shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air “—as far out to sea as you can—” “Swim after them!” screamed the Gryphon “Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly about “Change lobsters again!” yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice “It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly “Would you like to see a little of it?” said the Mock Turtle “Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon “We can do without lobsters, you know Which shall sing?” “Oh, _you_ sing,” said the Gryphon “There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the dance Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance “What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied “There is another shore, you know, upon the other side The further off from England the nearer is to France— Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance “The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “that they _would_ go with the lobsters to the dance So they got their tails fast in their mouths So they couldn’t get them out again That’s all.” “Thank you,” said Alice, “it’s very interesting I never knew so much about a whiting before.” “I can tell you more than that, if you like,” said the Gryphon “Do you know why it’s called a whiting?” “I never thought about it,” said Alice “Why?” “_It does the boots and shoes_,” the Gryphon replied very solemnly “Does the boots and shoes!” she repeated in a wondering tone “Why, what are _your_ shoes done with?” said the Gryphon “I mean, what makes them so shiny?” Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her answer “They’re done with blacking, I believe.” “Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, “are done with a whiting Now you know.” “And what are they made of?” Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity “I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone “It all came different!” the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully “I should like to hear her try and repeat something now Tell her to begin.” He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice “Stand up and repeat ‘’_Tis the voice of the sluggard_,’” said the Gryphon “I should like to have it explained,” said the Mock Turtle “She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon hastily “Go on with the next verse.” “But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle persisted It’s by far the most confusing thing _I_ ever heard!” “Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said the Gryphon: and Alice was only too glad to do so “Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?” the Gryphon went on Who for such dainties would not stoop Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup Soo—oop of the e—e—evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup Who cares for fish, Game, or any other dish Who would not give all else for two p ennyworth only of beautiful Soup Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup “Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song However, “jury-men” would have done just as well The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates “What are they doing?” Alice whispered to the Gryphon “A nice muddle their slates’ll be in before the trial’s over!” thought Alice One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked This of course, Alice could _not_ stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away “Herald, read the accusation!” said the King “Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other “When did you begin?” The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse “Fourteenth of March, I _think_ it was,” he said “Fifteenth,” said the March Hare “Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse “Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter “It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter “_Stolen!_” the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact “I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an explanation; “I’ve none of my own I’m a hatter.” Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted “I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her “I can hardly breathe.” “I can’t help it,” said Alice very meekly: “I’m growing.” “You’ve no right to grow _here_,” said the Dormouse “It _began_ with the tea,” the Hatter replied “Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the King sharply “I deny it!” said the March Hare “After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut some more bread-and-butter—” “But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury asked “That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter “I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began “You’re a _very_ poor _speaker_,” said the King Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done “I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I’m on the floor, as it is.” “Then you may _sit_ down,” the King replied Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed “Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!” thought Alice “Now we shall get on better.” “I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers “You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on “Call the next witness!” said the King The next witness was the Duchess’s cook “Give your evidence,” said the King “Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her “Collar that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked out Turn that Dormouse out of court “Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great relief “Call the next witness.” And he added in an undertone to the Queen, “Really, my dear, _you_ must cross-examine the next witness Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name “Alice!” CHAPTER XII “What do you know about this business?” the King said to Alice “Nothing _whatever?_” persisted the King “That’s very important,” the King said, turning to the jury _All persons more than a mile high to leave the court_.” Everybody looked at Alice “_I’m_ not a mile high,” said Alice “Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen “Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily “Consider your verdict,” he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice “That _proves_ his guilt,” said the Queen “It proves nothing of the sort!” said Alice “Why, you don’t even know what they’re about!” “Read them,” said the King The White Rabbit put on his spectacles “Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” he asked