“That’s the first
question, you know.”

It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so
“It’s really
dreadful,” she muttered to herself, “the way all the creatures argue
It’s enough to drive one crazy!”

The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark, with variations
“I shall sit here,” he said, “on and off, for
days and days.”

“But what am _I_ to do?” said Alice
“Anything you like,” said the Footman, and began whistling
“Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said Alice desperately: “he’s
perfectly idiotic!” And she opened the door and went in
“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice said to
herself, as well as she could for sneezing
There was certainly too much of it in the air
Even the Duchess sneezed
occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
alternately without a moment’s pause
The only things in the kitchen
that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting
on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear
“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; “and that’s a fact.”

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation
The Duchess took no notice of
them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not
“Oh, _please_ mind what you’re doing!” cried Alice, jumping up and down
in an agony of terror
“Oh, there goes his _precious_ nose!” as an
unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it
off
“Just
think of what work it would make with the day and night
(In which the cook and the baby joined):


“Wow
you may nurse it a bit, if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice,
flinging the baby at her as she spoke
“I must go and get ready to play
croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room
The cook
threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions,
“just like a star-fish,” thought Alice
“Don’t grunt,” said Alice; “that’s not at all a proper way of
expressing yourself.”

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
to see what was the matter with it
“But perhaps it was only
sobbing,” she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there
were any tears
“If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,”
said Alice, seriously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you
Mind
now!” The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
to say which), and they went on for some while in silence
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, “Now, what am I to do
with this creature when I get it home?” when it grunted again, so
violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm
This time
there could be _no_ mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than
a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it
further
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it
trot away quietly into the wood
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice
It looked good-natured, she
thought: still it had _very_ long claws and a great many teeth, so she
felt that it ought to be treated with respect
“Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little
wider
“Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought Alice, and she went on
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat
“—so long as I get _somewhere_,” Alice added as an explanation
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long
enough.”

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
question
“What sort of people live about here?”

“In _that_ direction,” the Cat said, waving its right paw round, “lives
a Hatter: and in _that_ direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a
March Hare
Visit either you like: they’re both mad.”

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here
You’re mad.”

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice
You grant that?”

“I suppose so,” said Alice
“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see, a dog growls when it’s angry,
and wags its tail when it’s pleased
Now _I_ growl when I’m pleased,
and wag my tail when I’m angry
Therefore I’m mad.”

“_I_ call it purring, not growling,” said Alice
“Call it what you like,” said the Cat
“Do you play croquet with the
Queen to-day?”

“I should like it very much,” said Alice, “but I haven’t been invited
yet.”

“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
things happening
While she was looking at the place where it had been,
it suddenly appeared again
“By-the-bye, what became of the baby?” said the Cat
“I’d nearly
forgotten to ask.”

“It turned into a pig,” Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
in a natural way